


I hate you, Lexa (but my heart says otherwise)

by River_Lex



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blurb, F/F, I actually wrote this a long time ago, I have a lot of feelings, Really i just needed to get this out of my system
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 03:45:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7343476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/River_Lex/pseuds/River_Lex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I just needed to get this online, I've had it sitting on my desk forever. Just a blurb but I needed to write it. Takes place after season 2 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate you, Lexa (but my heart says otherwise)

"I hate you, Lexa."

The words are true. Or maybe she just wants them to be so. She wants to hate Lexa. Hell, she SHOULD hate Lexa. After all that had happened, everything that they had been through together, Lexa had betrayed her. She wants to hate Lexa. 

But the worst part is, she understands. She knows that, as much as Lexa's actions had hurt her personally, they had been mandatory at the time. For the good of her people. But it still hurts. 

"I hate you, Lexa." And Lexa nods. She knows. Clarke should hate her, it is only natural. It hurts, but Lexa knows that she deserves it. 

"I hate you." She is crying now. She is so frustrated, so hurt, but she knows it is not true. She does not hate Lexa, much as she wishes she could. She wonders what is wrong with her, that she can't hate Lexa. She knows why, she knows, but she will never let herself think it. 

She surges forward, prepared to deliver blow after blow upon the woman who hurt her and her people so much. But then, inches from Lexa's face, she stops. She lets the tension leave her body, her head hanging as she cries. 

Lexa wants to fix this, she wants to hold her and make it better, but she knows that it is not that simple. But Clarke is standing just inches in front of her and she is hurt, she is crying, and it is because of Lexa. 

"Clarke, I'm sorry," she whispers. Every instinct, every part of her urges her forward, to wrap the girl in her arms. But she stands still, her hands clenched at her sides. Clarke would not want Lexa's comfort, not now. Maybe not ever. 

Looking up again, directly into Lexa's eyes, Clarke whispers now, "Lexa, I want to hate you. Why don't I, then?" Her voice is soft now and Lexa struggles to keep her composure. She has no answer and only shakes her head. 

Clarke does not know what she feels. Her emotions are confusing, tangled up in one another. She just stares into Lexa's eyes, no words to say as to how she feels. Part of her wants to hurt Lexa in return for all the hurt Clarke has felt, caused by her. But the greater portion of her- the part she does not yet completely understand- yearns for Lexa to comfort her, to reassure her that things can go back to the way they were. Or almost were. 

She moves forward, her heart winning over her mind. Lexa freezes, surprised by Clarke's sudden change of mind. But she understands- the feeling is familiar to her. So after a brief moment, her arms wrap around Clarke's sides, pulling her in close. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke." She does not know what else to say but she knows she is sorry, that much she is sure of. 

"Stop. Just stop talking," Clarke says, frustrated and upset and confused by her mixed bag of emotions. 

"I hate you." Sobbing into Lexa's shoulder, her hands wound in the fabric of Lexa's cloak. Lexa's hands on her back, pulling her in closer. She can feel Lexa nodding against her shoulder. She knows. She knows what Clarke is feeling but she does not chastise her for her emotions, as she always has in the past. She simply lets her feel, no matter how painful feeling may be.


End file.
